For FlashNano Day 24, we were challenged to write a flash in the form of an advertisement. Many players had fun with this. Here is my answer:

A middle aged man with a bad comb-over of fading blond hair, dressed in khaki dress pants, a short-sleeve shirt and man sandals, rambles down a city street, bending to pick up dollar bills from the sidewalk right in front of him. He stuffs them in his pants pockets, front and back.

[Announcer: Dick spends his entire life chasing the all-mighty dollar] 

Jaunty music plays as he picks up speed, running young mothers in yoga pants and their double strollers off the walk, crossing peoples’ lawns, traversing unfenced backyards and interrupting lawn parties featuring croquet and cocktails, and tipping over a black Weber grill all fired up and stacked with butterfly lamb chops.

[Announcer: All work and no play makes Dick a very dull boy]

His capacious pants pockets fill up, but he keeps on going, keeps on collecting and stuffing the bills in his oversized and stretchy button-up shirt, after slowing enough to tuck his shirt into his pants. He walks in place as he tucks. At that moment, he spies, mouth open in wonder, a dollar materializing and spiraling down over a swimming pool, heading right for an air mattress, on which lounges a bikini-clad brunette in cat’s-eye sunglasses. She smiles at Dick, her flesh glistening with tanning oil, a drink with a bright paper parasol in her elegant, white nail-enameled hand.

[Announcer: He’s tried the stock market, invested in Bitcoin, but they’re awfully high-risk]

Without another moment’s hesitation, he steps into the water and topples the woman, grabbing the dollar bill before it lands. Dog-paddling to the other side, he hauls himself out of the pool, water streaming from his pale hair — which has grown unaccountably more gray as this story unfolds — and out of his pockets. He doesn’t notice that over half his money has been left soaking and bobbing in the pool, for he sees the next free dollar, up ahead at the yard’s edge. He jogs and scoops up the bill, stuffing it into his shirt collar.

[Announcer: And with each loss, he keeps doing the same thing, over and over again, to ensure a comfortable retirement]  

Rounding the corner of the house, he again bends, snatches up the single dollar, and hurries off for the next. He trips over the yapping, chained-up schnauzer in his way, and delivers a quick kick. The dog yelps and snaps, but…Dick is intent on grabbing up that dollar and hustling for the next.

[Announcer: There are other choices out there. Less dramatic returns, true, but lower risk. Ensure your future today by calling the number on your screen]   

Dicks reaches a busy intersection, and seeing a single dollar, twinkling and flapping seductively in the center of the hot pavement, ignores the red stoplight. Just as he reaches down to snatch it up…    

(Truck horn blaring, tires screeching, the thump of impact.)

[Announcer: Don’t be a Dick. Buy government bonds. Call 1-888-XXX-8888, and change your future today! That’s 1-888-XXX-8888]

© Liz Husebye Hartmann (2023)